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It hit me really hard. I love this place - although it was a place of irony.
They hate the Chams, yet it was the Chams that saved them from misery. They say your job was the best job available in town - the dream job! - yet, you are subject to not finding work the next day, each day spending your day in fear for the next. It is a rich town, full of tourism receipts and dazzling lights, yet... the high prices are what hit the locals the most. There are so many temples to be seen but the best enjoyment came from sitting in a sofa along the street watching the day go by.
But I adore this place. You see the ingenuity of the people from the past, their talent and artistry that withstood the tests of brutal weather and time. The grandeur of it all! Not for fame, not for money.. but solely for their faith and love for their King. Yet the irony of it all... was that it is their very own kind that destroyed their glory.
I love this place, not because it is a touristy place and there are things for tourists to do. I like it, because it is comfortable, it gives a soothing feeling. As if, your busy life has no meaning at all. Indeed, mine doesn't. Yet, amidst this serenity, the locals have to work really hard, for they earn a miserly few USD a day, which is the cost of a meal. I could have gone the touristy road and missed all of this, but I was glad I made a little Cambodian friend and I didn't. She told me how she can barely stand in her flat, it was only 1.3m tall with no kitchen, no toilet, nothing. Just a bed for her to sleep on. But she liked it, because it was cheap and affordable, and better than what she could get at the countryside where she was from.
Reality is cruel.
I love this place, yet it was this place that upsets me the most. A trip out of town and you see the bare living conditions of the people at the countryside, it is so different from what tourists see. Without Dr Beat, these children have no access to medicine or any form of treatment. They have no access to drinking water, yet bottled water costs a bomb even for the locals at 500r per 500ml bottle (some shops charge 700-1000r). At 2l of water a day, they need to spend min. US$1 on water alone. Yet the average Cambodian earns less than US$350 a year. How they survive is beyond me. And without cash on hand, medical treatment is far from reach, it is a vicious cycle. But perhaps the thing that hit me the most... was that most Cambodians are happy people. Very happy indeed. They see through their misery, in fact they do not call it misery. Why be sad, for it is a way of life? As long as I have a job, I'm happy because I can buy food for my family. At a time and age when job-hopping is common, and work-life balance is at the heart of employee satisfaction... these people hope for no holiday. It is only when they work that they earn money and can feed themselves. They don't mind working long hours; they have no extra cash for entertainment anyway. And their house? It's so small they will loiter around in town just so that when they enter the house, the only activity is sleep.
Indeed, the temples were fascinating and I enjoyed listening to the history of its construction and seeing the bas reliefs and the intricate craftsmenship. Yet something is disturbing somehow.... This is all they have left. Do they have a future? At the same time, I feel ashamed for taking my job for granted. For thinking I want something I enjoy. Do they enjoy their work? For them it is necessity, and lack of education bars them from taking on any jobs other than drivers, hawkers, etc. I am ashamed, for my work more than feeds my daily needs and it is such a blessing to be able to save up for rainy days. I wish I had spent more days there, but at the same time I wonder what it is that I could have done more? How, instead of giving them money, can I improve their lives?
On my way out of Siem Reap, I was silent... silently tearing. What was I upset about? I miss the small town, I miss the friendliness, I miss my little Cambodian friend and her brother and her driver friend. She and her friend joked a lot, but I know behind the laughter, there are plenty of reasons for tears but of course, they dont tear easily. They hardly have unhappy thoughts, for they are the lucky ones with good jobs. She says her friend never spoke in front of other ppl, but he said so much in front of us... Could it be because they could sense our sincerity? And slowly withdrew their guard against foreigners? Or maybe I missed the temples although the heat of the scorching sun almost killed me. Maybe... I cried for their fate. And also teared for myself, for being so immature and foolish. For not being happy like them despite being on better ground. I miss my Cambodian friend, for she taught me soo much...
Most important of all, she taught me how to not take things for granted.
PS: Soluy, get married soon! And remember to invite me... I will keep my promise to fly there to attend your wedding at Angkor Wat or Bayon or whichever temple you choose. I wish you all the best! Tags: this is life..., travel
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I need to thank pw for always SMS-ing me to watch this performance, almost year after year. If not, this would have remained as part of my memories, never to have been touched again.
Been watching quite a few performances lately - spent a bomb on "Forbidden City", "Phantom of the Opera", "If there're seasons", etc. since I always chose Cat 1 or Cat 2 seats. And "If there're seasons" was really good! I can't wait for part 2 due 2009 or 2010.
Maybe I've been spoiled by professional performances.. have I been expecting the standards of "If there're seasons"? I doubt it. But I attach a lot of pride to the brillant work that dao ju did during my years there, so when I watched hall productions I think we at props did much better. So that explains my disappointment yesterday night.
But the disappointment was slight. It was still good overall, and changing of scenes was quite well managed (maybe with the flybars it helped to minimize noise).... Although the backdrop could have been much better. I liked the novel concept of having a ghosthouse on stage, I liked the fireplace and general layout, but think the plot could have been better elaborated. And watching toys teaching human about love and forgiveness, that was a complicated feeling. And I wished the song at the end was sung to perfection, without jumping ahead of the tune and without the hushed manner in singing the name that we used to love so dear, as if it's an embarassment. It's nothing big, really, but it hurts somewhat. It feels... wrong.
Still, it was nice to relieve memories... The late nights, climbing over gates past ten at night just to get home, getting over the fear of heights by jumping off the tall gates I climbed on public holidays, failing my common tests, dark eyebags, horrid vegatables in my fan he, sitting at the deck painting the backdrop, etc. etc. It also helped to see old familiar faces again, seeing how they have progressed on in their lives, in different directions. Although it's kind of sad that the topic of conversation has evolved to career... As if we're judged by what career we are in, what companies we choose to join (or have selected us). Maybe we have run out of topics to talk about. Undeniably there is prestige in certain industries, certain jobs and people are stifled by that, just like how we still rank schools mentally as we did on paper in the past, despite having done away with the ranking system. Is this how it will continue to be like? Where an Ivy league college degree triumphs over a local degree? Where people make friends with you not for who you are as you are, but for who you are as a professional?
Maybe I'm thinking too much, hanging on too dearly to some things that rightfully, I should let go. I will... I just need to learn how to do it. But I think it's gonna take some time... I'm such a sentimental freak.
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... When you signed in to the wrong site.
Yes, that's how long I haven't been blogging... I can't remember which blogsite to sign in to. I remember my tabulas site, my blogger userid and password (need it for pw's blog now!) and xanga. And I thought xanga was the latest, so I almost clicked on "Forgot password?" when I realise... it's LJ! Gee.
Somehow this is how my life has been floating by the past few weeks or even months. I lost direction, sought to find it, and made a decision to leave. A calculated risk, but still a rather hasty decision. As again, I'm taking the road less travelled and need to be strong to face up to social stigma... Unrelentless questioning that I've written off as concern. It makes me feel better, to think this way, although deep down I know the probing falls short of 'kaypo-ness'.
Anyhow, two weeks flew by in a wink! There were so many things undone, so many things to be done, and yet after two weeks nothing much has been done! Argh! See.. I find it very easy to occupy time, I attribute it to being an introvert.
Only recall: finding old friends on facebook, heading to NATAS fair, teary farewells, countless coffee sessions, organizing gatherings, replying to emails more promptly (something I have always wanted to do but never did! So emails to be replied are still marked with a star), shopping... Things are nice and cosy now.
Nursed a cold for the past two weeks, so I need to pick up momentum fast! My to-do list just keeps growing! I need to do financial housekeeping, plan for my Cambodia trip and study! Am behind by seven study sessions since I only did one and refused to touch my books today. And finish my novels... Tons of them! And catch up with friends - glad to meet up with qh, L (who returned from the U.S. for a short visit), pw, ntu friends, and more to come! I gave my mobile to old acquaintances, need to spread out my events while balancing my study demands, heh. Things will work out... I just know they will. Did so much thinking these two weeks and realise there's so much more to life than work and pressures and competition. It is costly, but it pays to take a step back to smell the flowers. You can't postpone doing this, cos the scent changes and your sense of smell deteriorates as you age. I dont mean it literally... So dare to dream! And fulfill your dreams while you're still young! After two years, five years, ten years, it'll all be too late.
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Hmm, had a great week! So nice to have my life back! Where work is manageable (for now since it's festive season) and there are no exams, heh.
Last Sat spent the morning at Forest Adventure, so scary!! Cos I'm afraid of heights, and the OBS-like adventures were too much for my weak heart. And my fear of heights is one-way... that is, I can climb up but it's only when I reach the top, then I freak out! Thus I have no issues climbing rock walls, climbing ladders up... Also, bcos I'm scared I tend to climb up very fast. Then when I reach the top, that's when my hands break out in cold sweat and I can cry... Had to really psycho myself to jump off the platform to do the spider-web and the flying foxes! I shiver as I think back about it, but hey... it was all in the name of fun! :)
Had lunch at Katong after that... And went home to shower, wanted to rest but it was soon time to head to s' place, where she was holding a christmas gathering at the lounge of her condo. Nice to meet new people and the games were fun! We had indoor hockey, and I volunteered to be goalie so didn't have to run about much (surprisingly no one wanted to be goalie!).. And the food was great ;p
Sunday met up with qh... Full-fledged air-stewardess already, sometimes I wonder if I should have tried that route. Like S mentioned, we can't be sure if our love for flying stems from our love for traveling or our love for flying per se. Ah, and I didnt want to think so much... As I age this option doesnt seem possible anymore anyway, so why fret?
I love four-day workweeks. Yes, this week was a long week at work and it was a long wait to Thursday (read: public holiday) but still it helps to brighten up my mood when Friday was here! ;p Meanwhile I finished watching Witch Yoo Hee, very nice and sweet show! I love it lots and the OST songs are great!
Friday was when the Tibet gang decided to meet up in lowland Singapore for the first time! I couldn't decide on where to go, and since I was in charge of organizing, I had to choose! In the end chose Biopolis, since I've never been there but would like to visit... Not a great place for gathering but was pretty ideal for our purposes... Got to visit Jia and Bong's research lab, so cool! I like the lab feel, makes me feel smart, haha.
Then we headed to Holland V for XO Bee Hoon.. Amazing that we managed to finish the set meal! That was a lot of food! Plus it seemed like Pat got a little drunk after the XO... Hee, the XO was strong but I finished my small bowl too! Didnt dare to go for seconds cos I was rather tired that evening and didn't think more alcohol is gonna help. Wala-wala was full so we went to Essential Brews next, where Pris joined us.. We probably called on the waiters ten times cos our order for baby potatoes didn't come till an hour later!! But tea was good :) And we spent the night playing tai-tee, it was good fun! Although we hesitated intially cos it reminded us of our 48-hour long train ride to Tibet, heh. That reminds me, gotta go look at the pics soon and return the hdd to yf..
Sat met up with pw, she's soo feminine now and I like the change in her! Hee. Woman, if you're reading this let me just say you look great in straight hair, and dainty with your small bag and the headband! Aiya, should have taken a picture of us together!! Gee. Forgot about photo-whoring... Oops. But as usual we are two very bad shoppers and only bought two items combined after four hours of shopping. There you go. I think we're better eaters, went to Indulgz with a very nice ambience and had their soup, entree and dessert. Plus pw had the Portebello burger too! That was nice... And thanks to pw for the recommendation and treat! :) I was game for more dessert but I think pw was full... Maybe it was cos of my 'concern' for her that killed so many of my brain cells asking her questions, haha. Sat at the national library till it was almost 11pm and time to catch the train home...
Today went out with parents, ooh I liked the grilled fish and spaghetti lunch... Fantastic grilled fish! Anyway, pics to come soon while I finish my document for someone who asked me to do it over the weekend; I'm a typical procrastinator! Gee. And is it me or is it the lack of sales but I can't believe it's only two days to Xmas! Felt like December just begun!! 2007 was a gruelling year for me but still, it went by a little too quick (if only the stress goes away too)... Till then, have a Merry Xmas, peeps!
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Hey peeps yes it's me, I'm finally back!
Such a long hiatus, such a loong stressful period. I've heard of how difficult it is to juggle studies with work but you really dont understand the stress and frustration until you go through it! I've stretched myself too tight, and yet to see any results. And I've lost my social life inadvertently. Been messaging my friends telling them of my 'return', so hopefully I have friends who understand and I wont become friend-less! It's weird, as if I retreated into an old life, and now it's time to begin a new life...
Meanwhile let me try to recap what has gone on over the past months... I recall:
Jun/Jul - had a great time at Shanghai and Tibet with jia and some friends I've never met. Finally got to step foot in China! But the air in Tibet was disappointing... Gonna meet up with them soon! Yay! Means pictures! Hee hee.
Aug - had a super cool budget trip in Ho Chi Minh and Da Lat in Vietnam. Really have to thank hj for insisting on going to Dalat, I was skeptical at first to be honest, but it was worth the long bus ride. And thanks for the research! I'd like to claim credit for the planning though! Haha. And everything went according to plan! (Er, I recall so, except the first day scam! Haha) I love traveling!
Sep - overseas colleagues came for training. It was hell of a time! I stayed out practically past midnight every single night! Thank goodness for morning coffee! I never counted my expenditure (didnt dare to!) but I wont be surprised if I spent >S$100 on cab fares alone! Not to mention we had good food at Holland V and Dempsey Road and Clarke Quay! Plus drinks at a different pub each night for an entire week =S It was fun until one of our last dinners, it dawned upon us that we may not see each other again anymore 'cos we wont get a chance to fly business (unless personal trip la), so it's kinda sad. We spent many good days together in NY and HK and now SG, it's just weird to say goodbye knowing we'll hardly meet again. Sigh.
Oct - business venture and study
Nov - work late and business and study and study and study! And facebook *sheepish grin*
Dec - time for Xmas and party! :)
I am forcasting huuge leisure expenses for this month... What to do? I've become a hermit and feeling like I lost all my friends, to the extent of having zero touch. Feeling isolated from their lives... Have they changed jobs? Found one? Got attached or broken up? While at the same time dealing with some personal issues... been quite affected by what happened to my family, been frustrated at having lack of idea and direction, been trying to make some tough decisions that are logical but I know emotionally, I fear those decisions.
Anyway, just to remind myself, I need to meet km for dinner tomorrow. And a quick reminder on my schedule, seriously need a stronger brain to keep track... bd on 16th, maria - havent fixed, pw - 12/17 or 18th, ms tan 15th, hj - when he's free, py - to fix, pearl - did we fix?, bi - lucky fella is in Aust now, sin - is he ever in town?, 21 dec - to plan for Tibet gang outing :), 14 - something tells me I'm busy but I cant remember what!, 8 - meet mrs teo. This shows you the state of my mind - big mess! I cant seem to read my appointments in a chronological order! Not to mention my lunch appts, I'm losing track, and I usually end up eating alone, haha.
And this Sat is D&D! Initially I decided to turn rebellious and wear jeans, and colls on my floor decided to follow my footsteps, till I realise I'm supposed to set a good example and dress up! So while I was fretting on what to wear, my dear teammates were very nice and introduced me to a trendy place they found. Didn't think I would end up buying anything; thought it would be like usual shopping (that I hate) which is watching my friends try on dresses. But bcos of the newfound obligation, figured it would be cheaper buying than renting, so I started trying on a few dresses, to no success. But I must say jen has really good taste and the two she asked me to try were shortlisted when it came to the buying decision! One was a halter dress (that emphasizes my weight loss ;p), the other spag strap. Couldnt decide.. Then after work I got mary to help me pick since everyone gave their different opinions, and I settled on the latter, different color from original intention too! Gotta go collect it tomorrow or Wed since I made them resew the strap. Now time to choose shoes (admittedly, I dont have shoes except closed-toe black courts, how sad!), and since I'm getting a dress - need to find out about hair-styling and make-up! I think there are deals at $50, so need to check out. Mary suggested I do huge curls and lash extensions and doll myself up, haha. Ok la, just for the fun of it... And first time I'm heading to Jewel Box too :)
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Phew long entry! Shows how ready I am to be back and rebuild my social life! Haha. How come I always have to live amidst extremity? That shall change!
And till then, take care and have fun cos its gonna be Xmas! And to myself, sleep more so I recuperate and have more energy! =)
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